11 March 2011 0 Comments

How to be a rock god

maiden concert

Are you sick of your boring ass job? do you want to travel the world score a bunch of chicks and do an incredible amount of drugs while you wash then down with jack daniels? well you’re in luck my friend cause here is a guide on how you can be the next living legend.
  • Don’t give a fuck about anything: The first thing you need to change is your lame boring ass attitude, so you just got fired well boo fucking hoo nobody gives a shit, man up you pussy, you just broke your arm doing a failed ollie? well pop that joint back in, how do you think our ancestors coped? you puss fag, don’t care , no excuses , man up, take what you want when you want it now!
  • Go find yourself some musicians: Don’t know how to play? no problem, become the lead singer. That’s right who gives a shit scream, dance, cut yourself up or do whatever you have to do to get some attention. Cover yourself up with meat,  jack off and cum in the audience, no press is bad press you want to be famous? lose all dignity in the end we are all crazy some just hide it better than others.
  • Play everywhere: Are you ready for this? o shit man, now you are a bad ass motherfucker you got your attitude, you got your band, play everywhere you see that little bar in the corner book a fucking gig there and completely destroy the place you’re the boss now, nobody is going to tell you how to live your life,  see that little college your friend goes to? bookity book and explode as hard as you can, satan will be pissing his pants once he hears you from the depths of hell.
  • Fuck as many women as you physically can: So your band is huge now everybody knows how much of a bad ass you are, well start sexing up, what are you waiting for, sex until your dick falls off, sex until there’s no women left you haven’t sexed, sex until your cock becomes a swelled grapefruit with bleeding blisters from all the stds you have.
  • Die: So you have conquered the world, you have slept with thousands of women, and you have done every single drug out there, so what´s next you ask? well now you need to die. That’s right now you need to die, do you want to be another washed up musician making his third comeback just because they are out o money? fuck that, kill yourself, overdose, get yourself assassinated the more scandalous or mysterious the better you need to die at the top of your game so people will remember what a legendary entity you were for all eternity.

So there you have it 5 simple rules on how you can be the next rock god, so good luck and good times, I look forward to having your face on my shirt with a legendary quote stating how much of a bad ass you were.

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